you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
