Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
