Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
40s are totally the cure
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
