She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
