I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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