She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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