i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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