WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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