Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
