I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
