im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
