I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
