I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
