i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
