How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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