My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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