woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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