I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
