Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
