Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
