Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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