you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
