I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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