I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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