HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
