First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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