what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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