you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
