Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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