Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
