I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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