it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were destined to go to rehab together
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
