at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
