We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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