I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
