were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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