Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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