yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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