i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I skipped work to stalk him.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
