I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
