Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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