Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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