your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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