You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
