My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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