Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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