We won't sleep together?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
