You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
