my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
