I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
